Picky, Picky, Picky

Okay, maybe I’m too picky when I read. My husband keeps telling me to quit reading like an editor and just read to enjoy the book. And sometimes that works. Sometimes I do get so caught up in the plot or with the characters that I overlook little mistakes that would otherwise jerk me out of the story.

But when I first start a book and haven’t yet connected to the character or the plot, those little mistakes keep prickling me like the thorns on my blackberry bushes.

For instance, we really have to stop and think about the words we are using and what they mean or convey, especially the misuse of reflexive pronouns. “I smiled in spite of myself.” What exactly does that mean? Perhaps it would be better to write, “I smiled, despite my glum mood.”

Inappropriate sensory descriptions can also be a problem. “My own voice sounded dank…” Dank is a smell. It can’t be heard.

“Soft-smelling hair.” Soft is a touch, not an odor.

A common dialogue attributive is also problematic. Authors often have a character mutter to himself, which to me implies that it is not something the other people in the scene heard, even though the muttered dialogue is written out in full. But if the character simply mutters, leaving off the “to himself” it is more believable that the other people could hear it. And when the narrative is in first person, it is especially important to make sure it is believable that the narrator can hear the other person mutter.

I know these are silly little details, and we all see them over and over in published works, but I don’t think that is a good enough reason not to take a little extra care with what we write. Well, actually rewrite. Because it is in the editing and rewriting that we find these little mistakes and fix them.

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Maryann Miller is the Managing Editor of WinnsboroToday.com, an online community magazine, and a reviewer for Bloggernews.net and ForeWord Magazine. Her latest books are One Small Victory and Play it Again, Sam. Visit her Web site for information about her books and her editing services. If you have a good book, she can help you make it better. When she is not working, Maryann loves to play "farmer" on her little ranch in the beautiful Piney Woods of East Texas.

To Splice or Not to Splice

I recently edited a manuscript that was rife with sentences combined with the word “then.” Like this one: She pulled the lever, allowing the big steel blades to catch the wind. At first nothing came then finally a small trickle of water splashed into the trough.

My red pencil itches to add a comma. It’s two separate actions. The “and” seems to be understood and to me is redundant. At first nothing came, and then finally a small trickle of water splashed into the trough. If you use “and,” do you even need “then?” But in this case, “and” just doesn’t say the same thing.

According to grammar gurus, this is called a “comma splice” and is supposedly a no-no. As one grammarian put it, “It feels so right. It flows so well. It looks so pretty. But technically, it’s as wrong as wearing wooly socks with strappy summer sandals.”

This same source reminds us of an acronym to remember what a coordinating conjunction is: FANBOYS: For-And-Nor-But-Or-Yet-So. But, she says, be careful of the words then and now; neither is a coordinating conjunction,

And regarding the use of a comma with "then," the Gregg Reference Manual states:
"When hence, then, thus, so, or yet appears at the beginning of an independent clause, the comma following is omitted unless the connective requires special emphasis or a nonessential element occurs at that point."

Examples:

Melt the butter over high heat; then add the egg.
Melt the butter over high heat; then, when the foam begins to subside, add the egg.

But, to me, it’s not so cut and dried. “The old dog awoke at the sound of his master’s voice, lifted his head then stood up, and wagged his tail.” The phrase just seems all run together. I know the sentence can be reworded to solve the problem. But, since it’s fiction, can we take a little liberty now and again, then add a comma?

What say you, fellow editors?

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A native Montanan, Heidi Thomas now lives in Northwest Washington. She has just had her first novel published, Cowgirl Dreams, based on her grandmother. Heidi has a degree in journalism, a certificate in fiction writing and is a member of Northwest Independent Editors Guild. She teaches writing and edits, and is working on the next books in her “Dare to Dream” series, and blogs.

Words, Words, Words

You know what you need to write a good story?

Yes, dialogue, characters, plot, conflict, etc. are important components, but without the WORDS to develop these things, you just have a really good idea.

I want to touch on a few things that can hinder your words from being appreciated by your reader.

OVERWRITING

Overwriting is a redundancy issue. We see this in newspaper articles all the time. A writer will quote a source, and then he/she will paraphrase the quote. The paraphrase is repetitive, redundant.

In stories, we can see this when an action occurs and then the characters talk about what just happened instead of moving the story forward. We see this when a writer uses dialogue to “tell” instead of to “reveal” – especially when what he/she is telling has already been shown.

When we overwrite, we slow the reading for the readers because they want to know what happens NEXT – not what already happened.

Outlining can help to combat some overwriting issues. If you have an outline, you can look from scene to scene, from chapter to chapter to see if each component is moving your story forward.

If you don’t outline, it’s important to combat this in the revision/editing stages. Because you will, more than likely, have to write a synopsis for your story, go through each chapter and write a few paragraphs about what occurs. As you write on each chapter, ask yourself, “Is the story moving forward?” “Have I repeated something from a past scene or chapter?” “Does it slow the read?” Questioning as you revise will help you find the slow parts and see if they are redundant or overwritten.

WORDINESS

Wordiness is not the same as overwriting; overwriting is redundancy. Wordiness occurs when we don’t practice “word economy.” It occurs when we use a slew of words for what can be stated in one or two words.

It’s when we use phrases like “final completion” when we could easily write “completion.”

It’s when we use phrases like “basic essentials” when we could easily write “essentials.”

It’s when we use phrases like “due to the fact that” when we could easily write “because.”

It’s when we use “that” like it’s our long-lost friend.

It’s when we use “uh,” “ahem,” “um,” and “okay” as filler instead of getting to the point.

Leave a work after you’ve written it. Everyone needs a fresh pair of eyes, and if you jump into revision/editing stages before taking a breather, you’ll be less likely to catch glaring wordiness errors.

In the revision/editing stages (and it’s smart to bring somebody along – like an editor-as you go through these stages), it’s a good idea to mark passages in your writing that were difficult for you to write. If you battled through writer’s block, if a scene or passage – particularly the middles of books – was slower to write than others, mark those places to return to; more than likely, there are some wordiness issues there.

Study the wordiness patterns that are typical in your writing. Having a second (or third) set of eyes is crucial here because an editor can talk to you about these patterns, and you can keep them in mind for future projects.

Here are some words and phrases that are typically added to a “wordiness” list.

kind of — sort of — type of — really — basically — for all intents and purposes — definitely — actually — generally — individual — specific — particular

COMMONLY CONFUSED WORDS

The following are typical words I see in clients’ manuscripts that are incorrectly used:

than, then — to, too, two — bad, badly — hear, here — sit, set — raise, rise — lay, lie — lose, loose — who’s, whose — you’re, your

Even the greatest of writers will have issues with confusing words; the goal is to figure out which words confuse you and keep them close by so you can fix them in your work.

I still have problems with lay/lie, and often will find another way to say something instead of use them!

We should not fear words; if we fear them, how can we manipulate them within our stories?



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Shon Bacon is an author, editor, and educator, whose biggest joys are writing and helping others develop their craft. She has published both creatively and academically and interviews women writers on her popular blog ChickLitGurrl: high on LATTES & WRITING. You can learn more about Shon's writings at her official website, and you can get information about her editorial services and online programs at CLG Entertainment.

Weekend Wisdom

Lifted from Susan Albert's interesting blog about writing and life:

Practice is essential. If you’re going to learn to write, it has to be your practice. I’ve been fascinated with the job of learning to write, which is unending. And I enjoy writing. Dealing with the problems it presents gives me pleasure. Sometimes there’s frustration, but if I get frustrated or hit an impasse, I just stop and go back to it later. I don’t like to hear writers talk about how they suffer for their craft. If it’s that bad, they ought to quit.

~Wendell Berry

Training Our Inner Editor Part 2 - Writer's Voice

Unlike editors in large houses, who get only the best manuscripts from new writers or yet another story from an established author, we who work outside the traditional publishing system find our clients among writers of varying abilities and experience. They may not have a famous name or multitudes of fans waiting in line to purchase their book, but they want both. So we become teachers, mentors, mothers (or fathers), cheering sections, and shoulders to cry on. In fact, we wear a whole wardrobe of hats needed by our clients.

Do we rewrite? On occasion we may choose to share an example of what is needed to clarify or improve a passage or scene. Yet, should our client decide to use our words rather than rework a weak area, we must make sure those words reflect the writer’s voice. That acquired skill of seamlessly imitating another’s voice separates the best of us from the crowd.

What is writer’s voice? A combination of elements including sentence structure, dialogue, use of punctuation, word choices, character development, rhythm, flow, and tone create the unique voice of a writer. As editors, we have the privilege of contributing to budding writers' understanding of this vital element that sets them apart from other writers and makes their works identifiable even if their name is missing.

How do we help a writer develop voice? First, we peruse their work. How do they structure sentences? Are characters unique, well defined, and do they remain true to their previous actions? Is the dialogue realistic? Does it vary from character to character? How does the author use punctuation? Do we find consistency in style? What kind of flow propels the story forward? Does it move progressively toward a logical climax? In working with writers, we commend their strengths and help them to see and overcome their weaknesses. Particularly with new writers, we also help them find, define, and develop their voice.

While some writers may have similar styles, they still display individuality in their works. For example, my brother likes the books written by the late Robert Ludlum. One book, unfinished when the author died, was completed by another writer, who also penned sequels to some of Ludlum’s popular thrillers. Even though the second author has been noted as being faithful to Ludlum’s style, my brother found subtle differences that indicated another writer’s hand in the works. This is not a criticism of the author who is carrying on Ludlum’s series, but only is mentioned to show the distinction between the voices of the two writers.

Voice is vital in establishing a writer’s identity. It might even be said that it "brands" the writer. As editors, we carry the responsibility for making writers aware of the importance of voice. Then we oversee its development. Finally, we help the author use that voice to complete a work of art — a word picture created on the canvas of many pages to inform, educate, inspire, and delight the readers.

We editors show writers the value of voice. We teach them how to develop and use it in creating their own style unlike that of any other. What about our own writing? Have we created that distinct voice that sets us apart from other authors? Almost all the above that we apply to others applies equally to us. Can we identify our voice? In 25 words or less, can we define it? Have we “branded” ourselves with our voice? If not . . . hmmm . . . why not?

Next time, our inner editor takes a look at point of view. How can POV make or break a story?

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Linda Lane, editor of two national award winners, will release her second novel, Treacherous Tango, this summer. She owns Pen & Sword Publishers Ltd., an independent editing and publishing house, and has gone back to work after taking time off to write her book.

The Hesitation Waltz by Morgan Mandel

I hoof it to the commuter train station each workday. A few weeks ago, a driver pulled what I call the Hesitation Waltz. He slowed down a fraction, then waltzed straight through. He not only didn't stop at the sign, but he also denied me, a pedestrian, the right of way. I was prepared for this since it's happened before. When I see a car approach a stop sign, I don't assume it will stop for me. I don't step into the street.

Now, let's relate this to the writing world. Do you waltz right through when you prepare or submit a manuscript? Can you get away with it? Usually not. Most editors are one step ahead of you.

Let's see. If you submit a manuscript to a publishing house without checking which editor acquires your genre, by a strange stroke of luck it might reach the right destination. I wouldn't count on it. Chances are, instead of landing where you hoped, it will end up in the dreaded slush pile or, worse yet, get returned immediately.

Another scenario - You dash off a manuscript and submit it without the format specified by the publishing house, or without carefully edited grammar, punctuation, etc. After all, your story is so wonderful it will be accepted and brushed up by the editor at the publishing house. Isn't that what editors do? Wrong. Most editors are so busy they're looking for manuscripts as close to perfect as possible. Unless you're a celebrity or have come up with a terrific idea that's never been written about before, you'll likely get rejected.

Another sticky little thing you may not want to do - research. You're writing fiction, so it doesn't have to make complete sense, right? Wrong again. Unless you've carefully constructed a make believe world and laid out its conventions, you still need to pay attention to how things work and why people do what they do in your novel. For instance, if you mention Chicago as the capitol of Illinois instead of Springfield, you can bet you'll lose credibility. An editor will most likely stop right there and not read further.

One last scenario - You self-publish a book without asking for help. You don't hire an editor or at the very least ask knowledgeable friends to check it over for mistakes. Even if you're an editor yourself, it doesn't hurt for an objective eye to evaluate your manuscript. Sure, your book will be published without such help, since you published it yourself. It may even get read by a few people, but if it's not up to snuff, they won't recommend it to others. Word of mouth is very powerful. You certainly don't want word to get out that you're an amateur and your books are not worth reading.

On the subject of editors, you have a choice of many fine editors right here at this blogspot. You can check out their bios and credentials in the right hand column. I chose Helen Ginger to do the edits on my upcoming release, Killer Career. She did a fantastic job. As a result, I'm much more confident about presenting it to the public. You'll learn more about the process in future blogs here.

Right now, I don't want to stray too far from the subject at hand, which is the Hesitation Waltz. Do you know of any other harmful shortcuts writers use? If so, please share them with us.

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Morgan Mandel
http:www.morganmandel.com
http://morganmandel.blogspot.com/

What's in a name?

If you play the writing game long enough, you learn that giving your protagonist a memorable name is important. It sounds innocent and easy enough, but this can get complicated.

You don't want a name that's too common and forgettable. Neither do you want a name that's too long, too unpronounceable, or just too twee.

Your supporting cast is important as well. You shouldn't have too many names beginning with the same letter, and definitely keep away from rhyming names unless you have cutesie-tootsie twins in your story.

Which begs the question: how do you dream up good names for your characters? We asked several of our editors how they do it.

Helen: My favorite resource book for naming characters is A World of Baby Names by Teresa Norman. Each of the 31 chapters starts off with an introduction to that country's use of names. For example, the intro to "African Names" includes information like, "A person's name is considered to be his most valuable possession, for it is the only thing that can survive death... Names such as the female Komuko (this one will not die) and the male Zimoko (thank you) reflect the sad fact of high infant mortality and the parents' fervent hope that their child will survive." With over 30,000 names, arranged by country, it's a great place to not only choose a name that would fit a character's ancestry, but also to find the meaning and pronunciation of each name.

Patricia: I tend to use street names from towns I'm not writing about. Very useful as many streets are named after people. When naming the bad guys, I try to use made-up names that yield no results when I do a Google search.

Maryann: I use the phone book for last names and books of saints names for first names. Get some unusual names that way. :-)

Linda: Like Helen said, I peruse lists of baby names. Also, sometimes a name pops into my mind while I'm developing a character sketch. The Cherokee/Irish attorney in my new book is Aidan Wolf. (His brother, mentioned only once in this one but a larger character in the next of the series, is Declan.) The first names happen to be a favorites, and the last name came from an Internet search of common Cherokee surnames.

And here's my favorite name generator, which yields a daily list of first and last name combinations:


What about you? What are your favorite name sources including online generators?
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Dani Greer is currently judging 35 essays for an online writing contest, learning how to record a double-ender (don't ask) and killing as many grasshoppers in any given day as is humanly possible in 95-degree heat. Oh, and she's thinking about writing a graphic novel called Queen of Socks.