Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Time Out For Some Fun

Slim Randles has always been a welcome guest here at The Blood Red Pencil with his humor from the guys down at the Mule Barn truck stop. Quite often one of the guys will play havoc with the English language. This is one of those times. Pull up a stool, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy.  

One thing about cold: it drives folks indoors. But in some cases, it also can provide entertainment, enlightenment, laughter and education. We’re not talking your local PBS station, here, but Alphonse “Windy” Wilson.

This time of year, Windy becomes a seasonal member of the Mule Barn truck stop’s world dilemma think tank, and usually sticks around until things thaw out. And this morning, Windy’s unique approach to the English language took on the weather outside.

“Boys, I gotta tell you. This cold transmits me reversely to the winter of ’47. Cold? It thicklicated your blood so much you could hardly walk. You remember it, Doc? Ol’ Miller at the dairy had to ignitiolize a fire under the milk separator to liquinate it. Why, even the dickie birds got refrigelated up and crashed!

“You boys know about them engine heatilations, right? Well, it was so cold we were obligatored to pre-heat the blamed firewood before we could burn it. Diesel trucks were immobilating up at sixty miles an hour and it still took them a mile and a half to stop.

“Some of the women were knitling up sweaters that would fit two people, just to take advantage of the body heat. Dang near caused epilemic divorce, ‘cause the husband wanted to go one way and the wife another. I tell you, it was parsimonium! It was blame near four days and nights erstwhile an ol’ he-coon down ‘long Lewis Creek recomnized he’d been treed by the hounds, ‘cuz the dogs’ bawling frosticated up concretely afore he could hear it.”

Windy paused for a sip or two. No one wanted to interrupt.

“Some winters,” Windy said, “just take the former limitarions to obliqueness!”

Yeah. We’d always figured it that way, too.

If you enjoyed this little bit of humor, you might like Slim Randle's book, Home Country, which is a collection of some of the best of his Home Country columns that are nationally syndicated.

Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent release is Boxes For Beds, an historical mystery available as an e-book. Stalking Season is the second book in the Seasons Mystery Series. The first book, Open Season, is available as an e-book for all devices. To check out her editing rates visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. She believes in the value of a good walk or a good chuckle. 


  1. I think I need a translator for this one. :)

    1. I know. I did, too. He really fractured the words this time, but that is better than fracturing some bones.

  2. A unique take on the English language is always good for a smile, even if it takes some cogitatin' t' get the sense o' it. Might note here it's right timely, what with the Arctic whatever descendin' on the States an' all.

    Fun post, Maryann! Glad to have a humor break in the midst of an intense edit. :-)

  3. It's interesting—I'm such a stickler for choosing "just the right word" to communicate the right meaning, but you get the (snow)drift here just fine. While I wouldn't recommend that most novelists use so many made up words, I enjoyed every one of these!


The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice. If a glitch is preventing you from commenting, visit our Facebook page and drop your wise words there: Blood-Red Pencil on Facebook