Cues from the Coach: Avoid Writer Intrusion

“Writer intrusion? That’s ridiculous! It’s my work – I can’t intrude on it.”

Really? If you’re an author of first-person fiction, or if you’re an expert penning a nonfiction book in your field, you may be right. But if you’re a third-person fiction writer, you can literally sabotage your chances for success with writer intrusion.

What is writer (author) intrusion? When you inject into your story an opinion that doesn’t quite fit the scene or the character(s), you have intruded on your story. Now if the thought or idea is a natural and likely expression of one of your characters as you have developed him or her, it might work. But if that’s not the case, you would do yourself (and your readers) a favor by leaving it out. Also, writer comments and blatant hints of what’s to come pull the reader out of your story and undermine the elements of suspense and surprise. Another example of intrusion is the writer as narrator; the reader “listens” to the story from a distance rather than stepping into a scene and walking beside the character of choice. (This often occurs in omniscient point of view.) Common in Victorian and gothic literature of yesteryear, writer intrusion does not appeal to many of today’s readers, even in its more subtle forms. Let’s look at some examples:

Mary inserted the key in the lock and turned it. The tumblers clicked. She twisted the handle. Little did she know what awaited her behind the large white door. Bye-bye surprise.

Jason stepped out of the bedroom. Pausing, he adjusted his tie and then walked out of the apartment. He looked more handsome than ever in his new black suit. In whose opinion? The author’s?
  
“I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your father, Laura. You must be devastated. By the way, did you know the debate between the gubernatorial candidates has been postponed until Friday? I’m so disappointed. I wanted to hear verbatim where they stand on the nuclear power project, but I have another meeting on Friday evening. I know your dad would have had a lot to say about this.”
 

“My dad didn’t have anything to say about anything. He died of Alzheimer’s disease.”

“Yes, but . . .” Where did this come from? Sounds like we’re being set up to hear the author’s view on nuclear power and the environment—or something of that nature—which has absolutely nothing to do with the story. And the thoughtlessness of the character in imposing his/her (the author’s) views on the grieving woman will not go over well with most readers.

Staying true to your story means staying out of it . . . unless your opinions coincide with those of a given character, and expressing them through that character moves the story forward and flows seamlessly into its natural progression. Editorializing, making side comments, inserting inappropriate opinion/dialogue via a character, adding information dumps, and moralizing outside the confines a character’s personality will annoy your readers, perhaps even to the point of causing them to walk away from your book.

A lot of information can become a natural part of a story with some forethought and careful planning on the part of the author. How do you include material that you feel is vital to your story without resorting to writer intrusion?

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Linda Lane and her team edit books of several genres — both fiction and nonfiction — as well as other written marketing and scholastic material. She is currently updating her writing workshops to make them even more effective, and she's developing editing workshops for those who want to hone their skills in this area to better serve the myriad writers who now self- and independently publish their works. You can reach her through http://www.denvereditor.com