Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Computer's View of What I Write

Broncs? Steer riding? What IS this drivel? Oh my God, she’s writing a Western!
Leaping lattes, the boys at H-P never warned me about this. They only told me I was being placed in the home of a writer.

Here, I had visions of late-night literary discussions over a Corvaussier with a chap in a velvet jacket, smoking a fine Cuban cigar. Maybe a little Mendelssohn in the background, or at least Mozart.

Egads, what is that noise? “Come a Tie Yi Yippee, Yippee Yay”? Cover my speakers, please. No Mozart? Cowboy songs? Humph.

Back to my literary dream. Together—this fine author and I—we would create the modern Dickensian masterpiece, or at least a significant sonnet or two. Ah, the power of the written word…

Dadburned? Consarned? Dropped “G’s” all over the place? I try my best. But she just ignores those red underlines. What does she think that is, anyway, just a pretty color? And the grammar. Acres of green. Ignored again. Her manuscripts look like a Christmas tree. What’s a computer to do?

But wait. What is this, now? Lesson plans. Metaphors. Similes. “Angels invisible in their gossamer dresses …” “The reflected sky ran like a vein of silver in the creek…” “The murmuring of innumerable bees…”

Aaaahhhh. This is better than Mozart. Better than fine brandy. Yes … there may be hope for her yet.
A native Montanan, Heidi Thomas now lives in Northwest Washington. She has just had her first novel published, Cowgirl Dreams, based on her grandmother. Heidi has a degree in journalism, a certificate in fiction writing and is a member of Northwest Independent Editors Guild. She teaches writing and edits, and is working on the next books in her “Dare to Dream” series, and blogs.

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  1. Who knew a computer could learn the beauty of different genres? Cute post.

    Straight From Hel

  2. I'm very good at ignoring those red underlines when I should be paying attention.

    Morgan Mandel

  3. BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I really enjoyed this. Thank you!

  4. Thanks for sharing the computer POV! Loved it!

  5. I love this post, Heidi. I can just imagine what my computer is saying about me since I'm writing suspense with a bad guy who uses bad guy language. LOL

  6. Yes, if they could only speak! On the other hand, maybe we wouldn't want to hear what they have to say about our writing! LOL.

  7. My computer's had to learn some languages, with words like "God dag" or "Klahowyah," as I write across countries and history. Red lines galore.

  8. Charming, clever, and mirthful as ever. Great, perfect, great! Keep these coming. It would be nice to have a weekly or monthly check in from your computer.

    And it gets me thinking...what if our refrigerators, beds, TVs, cars, etc. had a voice about the ways we do... Mr. Ed meets My Mother the Car teched up and talking in our ears via IPods and SmartPhones. Who needs a conscience anymore? Although, some would argue, the "voice" we hear is just a projection.

    Anyway, way to go! Thank you, peace and continued good things for you in writing and in life. Sincerely ~ Diane


The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice.