Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mid-Week Fun For Writers

It's time for our mid-week, almost mid-month, break from the challenges and drudgery of writing to laugh a little. The following jokes were stolen... er, borrowed from a professor at Villanova University Karyn Hollis, who first posted them on the University website.

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb? 

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent book releases are Doubletake and Boxes For Beds, both mysteries that are available for Kindle and in paper.  Stalking Season is the second book in the Seasons Mystery Series, also now available as an e-book, along with Open Season, the first book in the series. To check her editing rates visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. She thinks laughter is very good medicine.


  1. Thanks Maryann; you made me smile. Here's a slightly colourful contribution:
    How many erotica writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to do the screwing and the other to make sure it's turned on.

  2. These are terrific, the first one particularly apt. :)

    1. I agree, Diana. I read that one first and that's when I decided to, er, borrow, the jokes. LOL

  3. That error message guy knows how to be vague too. I think he's a mystery writer.

    1. You're right, Susan. Thanks for stopping by.

  4. I knew by the end of the first joke that the writer of this lighthearted post had to be none other than our very own Maryann. As noted in the first paragraph, this is our much needed "break from the challenges and drudgery of writing to laugh a little." It's definitely time! :-)

    1. Laughter gets us through so many tough times and stressful days. I'm always looking for a way to laugh more.

  5. Funny stuff, thanks for the break from the drudgery of my retired life: golf, travel, hikes in the park, days on end with grand kids you know all that crap. Love the Hemmingway joke, I am most likely of the people who read your blog to seal your stolen jokes. Good Stuff!

    1. So glad you enjoyed the jokes Neil. You have quite a wonderful retired life. :-)

      You can steal the jokes any time. After all, that's how I get them first.


The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice. Some of our contributors are editors, some are authors, and some are writing sheep. Yes, sheep.


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