Proofreading and the Hilarity in the Lack Thereof

Editors often cringe at hastily put together headlines. You know, those blaring boo-boos committed by harried "gotta rush and meet the deadline" news journalists. I collect them from time to time, and thought I'd share some of the more utterly ridiculous ones, along with my own quips, for your amusement today. Fun stuff. Here we go ... check these out.

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Certainly important in some recipes, "Northern Witch Missionary Lip Stew" comes to mind, but a rather expensive ingredient, no?

Child’s stool great for use in garden
Another reason to leave your kids out of your cookies. The fertilizer they produce is so valuable.

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Hmm - must be a little people?

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
I sense a rather strong compulsion-to-bond personality disorder here. Seems hereditary, also.

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Oh my god - next he'll be wanting legs, too.

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Well, better than young boys, I suppose.

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
"I'm going to say this one more time. I did not have sex with that woman."

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Well I'd like to know what the farmer did to so enrage the beast.

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Check Out Counter
Kind of sad. People just don't talk to each other when standing in lines anymore.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Again, there is no such thing as "trying." You either shoot the kid, or you don't.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Must be a real bad cat with nine lives, eh?

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Absolutely not ... true love is to share everything!

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Ehm, I'll pass, take my chances - thank you anyway.

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Really? I wonder if murder cures blindness, too.

Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Now that's an odd form of lactose intolerance.

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
And will never see again, obviously.

Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Jolly good show! X-rated, though - leave the kiddies at home. Oh I forgot - we baked them already anyway.

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Now, I don't know if all of these are actual headlines, gawd I certainly hope some of them are made up. To be honest, I do Gooogle searches for most of them. But just in case you are a disbeliever that goofs like these can ever make it to the press, here's a couple proofs in print for you.

Hmm - I would think after age 19 you'd see a bit of a drop?

A self-evident advertisement for the county's poor money management practices, wouldn't you say?

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Posted by Marvin D Wilson, author of:
I Romanced the Stone, Owen Fiddler, and Between the Storm and the Rainbow.
Marvin blogs at Free Spirit and Tie Dyed Tirades.
He is an editor with All Things That Matter Press and does freelance editing.