Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Time Out For Some Fun

On this dreary, gray day in my neck of the woods, I thought it would be good to cheer myself up. I miss the sun. I need the sun. And when I don't get enough sun, everything that goes wrong is magnified. Ever feel that way? Of course you have. The business of writing is sometimes wrought with frustration, and adding any stressers like daylight saving time and no sun, makes for screaming fits and hair pulling. 

So let us take a moment for a deep breath. Here we go... slowly in, hold it, and let it out. Repeat ten times. There much better. Now for a chuckle or two. Enjoy....

This first cartoon is from Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie Macnelly. Cosmo is digging through the usual mess on his desk - can we relate or what?  - and finds a ticket for a shoe repair shop. "Geez! The date on it is October 9, 1982. I wonder if ol' man Swettsock is still around?" 

So Cosmo goes out and sure enough, the shoe repair shop is still there. He goes in and hands the ticket to Mr. Swettsock who says, "Yeah, that's been a long time. Lemme look in the back."

He goes in the back and calls out, "Would they be saddle shoes, by any chance? Black and white with red laces?"

"Yeah, that's them. Hey, that's amazing. " Then Cosmo thinks, "This guy's incredible."

Mr. Swettsock comes back and hands the ticket to Cosmo. "They'll be ready Thursday."
~~~~~~
I loved this from Mallard Fillmore  by Bruce Tinsley.  Mallard is twirling a basketball on his finger and says, "March madness is just a week away!.... So get ready for the most incredible spectacle in sports.... Three solid weeks full of announcers...using the term 'scholar-athletes' with a perfectly straight face."
~~~~~~~
If you have hands-free voice commands in your vehicle, you will relate to this from Dustin by Steve Kelley and Jeff Parker. Ed and Helen, Dustin's parents, are in their car. Ed is driving and he says, "Think I'll try out this GPS that I bought on Ebay."

Helen says, "This should be fun..."

Ed asks for direction to 310 East Main Street and the GPS system responds, "Getting directions to: free tend yeast cane fleet."

Ed says again, "Directions to 310 East Main Street."

The GPS spits out, "Getting directions to: repent seats tame heat."

Ed turns to Helen and says, "Good thing I know how to get there."

The GPS voice says, "Getting directions to: goosing iPhone cow moo wet hair."

Ed bangs his head against the steering wheel.

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT BOOKS AND  WRITING:

Long, hard slog today writing the Great American Tweet. (That was it...what do you think? Pulitzer?)
- Greg Tamblyn

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
- Fran Lebowitz

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
- Woody Allen 

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading contest. I hit a bookmark.
- Stephen Wright 

As a pioneer in free ebooks more than ten years ago, I feel like I have to keep up, hence my announcement today that to go with the new Kindle Zero, the free edition of my new book comes with a new Buick LeSabre or a large Fig Newton, your choice. While supplies last, one per customer.
- Seth Godin 

Don’t tell my mother I work in an advertising agency. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
- Jacques Seguela 

The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
- David Brinkley 

Did you like the quotes? Which was your favorite? Do you have a joke or funny quote you'd like to share? Please do. 

Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, screenwriter, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent mystery, Doubletake, was chosen as the Best Mystery for 2015 by the Texas Association of Authors. She also writes the critically acclaimed Seasons Mystery Series. All of her books are available as e-books and as paperbacks, and a complete listing can be found on the books page of her website. For information about her editing services, visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to read the comics in the newspaper, take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. 

10 comments :

  1. The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
    - David Brinkley - so true!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Diana, one of the things that news anchors do now that really irritates me is that breathless delivery. I don't know if it is supposed to make them sound more sincere, but it borders on emoting sometimes.

      Delete
  2. David Brinkley is so right. I constantly ask the TV, 'How is that news?'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right, Susan. The business of news reporting has changed so much in recent years, I often hate to admit I'm a journalist.

      Delete
  3. I love David Brinkley's quote. And don't forget the meaningless video.

    My phone's text app has the voice option so I can record texts. Occasionally it even gets a word correct.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, yes, the meaningless video. Like the endless loop of snow video we had recently. My grandson who lives in Boston said the media was acting like Boston never saw snow before. LOL

      Delete
  4. I identified with the one with Ed and the GPS ... every conversation I've ever had with a computer generated voice has always ended with a battery of four-letter words from moi.

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  5. Thanks for the laughs. I especially relate to the Brinkley quote. I spent ten years as a TV news anchor/reporter/producer, and I used to say, "Have you ever noticed that no matter what happens on any given day, there is always exactly a half-hour of news?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. All these left me smiling. Obviously, I need more humor in my life. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love these. Much needed the last couple of days while doing taxes. Nothing funny about that.

    ReplyDelete

The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice. Some of our contributors are editors, some are authors, and some are writing sheep. Yes, sheep.

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