This first bit of frivolity is from One Big Happy by Rick Detorie. Ruthie is working on a homework assignment, completing several proverbs:
Seeing is… something you do with your eyes.
If you can't stand the heat… move to the North Pole.
A man who is his own lawyer…doesn't have to send himself a bill.
It's never too late to…microwave a snack.
The squeaky wheel gets….on your nerves.
If you make your bed...be sure nobody's in it.
Give the devil…a firecracker and RUN!
No news…is better than no comic strips.
Oh, my. What would we do without the comics?
This next one is from Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie McNally. Shoe is sitting at his trashcan desk working and Cosmo rushes in saying, "Stop the presses! Shocking news just in from the Vineyard murder trial: the wine connoisseur admitted he identified the wrong person and decanted his testimony."
Okay, take a moment to groan about that one. Now here's one from Pearls Before Swine by Stephen Pastis. Rat is a rewriting some of the Mother Goose rhymes. He writes, "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick. Jack be drinking, Jack be soused, Jack set fire to his whole house."
Goat asks, "Must all your nursery rhymes end in tragedy?"
To which Rat replies, "Jack led a high-risk lifestyle."
|Visit the Website to see all the Nursery Rhyme Characters|
Elizabeth answers, "I did. Daddy said I couldn't draw on it."
Elly finds a smooth piece of paper and fits it into her typewriter. Elizabeth climbs on the desk. "Can I try that Mom? Can I type something? Huh? Mom? Can I try?"
"Not just now, Elizabeth."
Elly is typing away when she hears from offstage, "Cut it out, you guys. I'm telling!!"
Then Michael is telling Elly, "Lawrence and Gordon shook up a can of pop and blasted the dog!" Grinning, Elizabeth runs to see, while Elly goes back to what she was typing. Then another voice from offstage, "How do I work the microwave, El? Do I crack the egg, or leave it in the shell?"
The phone rings and Michael pops his head in, "Phone's for you, Mom."
In the last frame John steps up behind Elly and asks, "Who's the letter to, Honey?"
"My Aunt Bess. She wants to know why I never write."
Now that I don't have kids at home to interrupt me, there is no excuse for not getting the writing done. Oh, right. I have cats.
In another classic from Shoe Cosmo is standing behind the Wizard who is checking Cosmo's computer. Cosmo says, "I've looked everywhere, Wiz, and I can't find my column."
"You've lost all your files, Cosmo." He turns to face him. "When using your computer, it's important to back it up."
"Can we back it up to 1970? That way it would just be a typewriter again."
I'm not sure I ever want to go back to the days of typing full manuscripts on my old Royal manual typewriter, but it is frustrating when a computer crashes and you are left with.... nothing.
I do hope you had a little fun here today, and if you would like to share a joke in the comments, please do.
|Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, screenwriter, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent mysteries are Doubletake and Boxes For Beds, both available for Kindle and in paper. Stalking Season is the second book in the Seasons Mystery Series, hardback and digital, along with Open Season, the first book in the series. For her editing rates, visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas.|