Humorist Slim Randles is our guest today with a bit of non.. er, fun from his friend, Windy, who sure does like to mess with words a bit.
On a good, warm Saturday morning, you have your choice here in our valley: yard saling or livestock saling. Since Windy didn’t have much of a need to rummage through stacks of doilies or record albums starring Patti Page or the Kingston Trio, he headed for the sale barn.
You see, Alphonse “Windy” Wilson doesn’t have a ranch or farm. No, Windy was trolling for an audience.
He tried the coffee shop, but there were just two ranchers there, and they were in an intense conversation. He walked around through the waiting pens, and it was there he saw the kids. There were three of them, teenage boys, chatting with each other, wearing hats and boots. Leaning on shovels. Windy knew what their jobs had to be and figured them as good audience fodder.
“Shore is a flamtastic kinda day, ain’t it boys?” Windy said, maneuvering so they would have to actually walk over him to get back to work. “Puts me to mind of the day we was all having a picnic up on Thompson Ridge … you boys know what a picnic is?
"Oh, they still have ‘em, eh? Hard to keep up with all the new innervations you young people have … I’m an old timer, you know? Oh, of course you knew.
“Wellsir, it was a day just like this, solarily speaking, with picnic writ all over it, and there we were, just a salivatin’ along on Thompson Ridge, looking for a ’propiate spot to have lunch, when the ground started to shake. It was a dad-gummed earthquake! We used to get one oncet in a while, you know. Well boys, it shook and shook and the trees went wobbly at the knees and so did we. Some of us thought it was the end days, you know. But then it quit, and I can extrapolate to you that was a mighty good thing to have happen.
“And we sat down and opened our picnic baskets and do you know what? That there earthquake turned the young’uns’ ration of cow’s milk into vanilla milkshakes!”
Windy sighed. “Used to have some pretty good picnics in them days.”
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If you enjoyed this bit of fun, you might want to hop over to Maryann Miller's blog, It's Not All Gravy
where Slim is playing with more words.
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| The Literacy Tree |
You see, Alphonse “Windy” Wilson doesn’t have a ranch or farm. No, Windy was trolling for an audience.
He tried the coffee shop, but there were just two ranchers there, and they were in an intense conversation. He walked around through the waiting pens, and it was there he saw the kids. There were three of them, teenage boys, chatting with each other, wearing hats and boots. Leaning on shovels. Windy knew what their jobs had to be and figured them as good audience fodder.
“Shore is a flamtastic kinda day, ain’t it boys?” Windy said, maneuvering so they would have to actually walk over him to get back to work. “Puts me to mind of the day we was all having a picnic up on Thompson Ridge … you boys know what a picnic is?
"Oh, they still have ‘em, eh? Hard to keep up with all the new innervations you young people have … I’m an old timer, you know? Oh, of course you knew.
“Wellsir, it was a day just like this, solarily speaking, with picnic writ all over it, and there we were, just a salivatin’ along on Thompson Ridge, looking for a ’propiate spot to have lunch, when the ground started to shake. It was a dad-gummed earthquake! We used to get one oncet in a while, you know. Well boys, it shook and shook and the trees went wobbly at the knees and so did we. Some of us thought it was the end days, you know. But then it quit, and I can extrapolate to you that was a mighty good thing to have happen.
“And we sat down and opened our picnic baskets and do you know what? That there earthquake turned the young’uns’ ration of cow’s milk into vanilla milkshakes!”
Windy sighed. “Used to have some pretty good picnics in them days.”
----------------
If you enjoyed this bit of fun, you might want to hop over to Maryann Miller's blog, It's Not All Gravy
where Slim is playing with more words.
 |
| Slim Randles writes a nationally syndicated column, Home Country, and is the author of a number of books including Saddle Up: A Cowboy Guide to Writing. That title, and others, are published by LPD Press. |
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| Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent book releases are Doubletake and Boxes For Beds, both mysteries that are available for Kindle and in paper. Stalking Season is the second book in the Seasons Mystery Series, also now available as an e-book, along with Open Season, the first book in the series. To check her editing rates visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. Slim Randles always makes her laugh. |
I'll make sure to hide when I see Windy coming down the path. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat? You don't want to try to figure out what the heck he is saying? I bet those teens wished they could just get back to the shoveling if it meant not having to listen to Windy. LOL
DeleteWhen I was a youngin I would ask my daddy for somethin' or 'tother, he would always say, "There's two chances of that happening ... one is Slim and the other is None ... and Slim just left town." Is that you, Slim?
ReplyDeleteThat's a good one. I'll see if Slim can stop by and let you know. LOL
DeleteMilk into milkshakes? I wanna go on one o' them picnics. :-)
ReplyDeleteMe, too. Especially if the chocolate is added to the shakin'.
DeleteI'd say that tale was less "Slim" and more "tall".
ReplyDeleteSo true, LD. You never know what ol' Windy is bound to say.
Delete