Monday, May 11, 2009


This famous speech is rewritten in sixties beat vernacular:

Four big hits and seven licks ago, our before-daddies swung forth upon this sweet groovey land a jumpin' wailin' stompin' swingin' new nation, hip to the cool sweet groove of liberty and solid sent upon the Ace lick dat all cats and kiddies, red, white, or blue, is created level in front.

We are now hung with a king size main-day Civil Drag, soundin' whether this nation or any up there nation, so hip and so solid sent can stay with it all the way .

We have stomped out here to the hassle site of some of the worst jazz blown in the entire issue...

Click here to read the rest.

I don't know about you, but I think the older version might have been a little easier to understand!

Bookmark and Share


  1. I have to agree - the original is easier to understand - and more engaging.

  2. It really depends on the target audience. The original is easier for today's readers (or listeners) to understand perhaps, but language has changed so much since then that even for today's youth, some words are archaic. The jazzier version reminds me of today's rap/hip-hop language. It, too, can be impossible to decipher if you aren't familiar with the language.

    Which, of course, all relates to writing. If you use words that your readers are going to be unfamiliar with, then you need to make them understandable through context.

  3. Or use the obscurity to define a character by intent. This one is always good for a laugh because it's pretty obvious. I'll post another later in the week and see if anyone can recognize it.


  4. Too funny!!

    I agree with Helen--it largely depends on the target audience. Generation gap and all that. Which yes, relates to all manner of our writing. To know our target audience, as well as the characters we are writing, helps determine the tone and "lingo" used in a given piece.


  5. I love Lord Buckly. There's a great clip of him on 'You Bet Your Life' with Groucho.

  6. I love this post, Dani! Can't wait to see your next example.

  7. Funny! But I agree, the original is easier to understand.

    Jane Kennedy Sutton

  8. This version drives me crazy.

    Morgan Mandel

  9. The problem with this version is that there is no voice. Who am I supposed to hear? Jack Kerouac? Maynerd G. Krebs? I don't hear any of them. On the other hand, Lincoln's voice still comes through the original.

  10. Forget whether or not we understand it. Which one is more beautiful to the ears? Which one stirs us?

    I know which one I prefer...

    Clever post!


The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice. Some of our contributors are editors, some are authors, and some are writing sheep. Yes, sheep.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...