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| Illustration by R. Crap Mariner, via Flickr |
If your answer was no, please let me know how you’re reading this.
Who made your breakfast? If the someone was human: NON FICTION. If the someone was a house elf or woodland creature: FICTION.
Note: If your situation is the latter; when was the last time you gave them a pay raise? Just a soupçon of non-fiction in your fictional life.
You dragged yourself to the computer and are sitting there now with a large mug of coffee/tea, reading this post because you are procrastinating: NON FICTION. You danced to your computer and are reading this post before noon because 5,000 words have already flowed onto your keyboard and you’re taking a wee break before you spew out another 5,000 before creating a gourmet meal with organic vegetables from your garden: FICTION.
Your pet sits at your feet/on your lap/on your keyboard demanding attention: NON-FICTION. Your pet is dictating his/her autobiography: FICTION.
Note: I want to meet your pet.
Your next great idea begins flamenco-ing in your imagination before you’re finished with your current WIP: NON FICTION. You ignore it because you are the master of writerly discipline: FICTION.
In all your years of writing/reading you have encountered many plot holes in other people’s books. NON FICTION. In all your years of writing/reading you have never once encountered a plot hole in your own writing. FICTION.
The book in your head is far, far better than the book which appears on paper: NON FICTION. Your current manuscript is turning out exactly as you thought it would: FICTION.
You have lost count of the number of drafts you write before submitting your manuscript to beta readers/your editor: NON FICTION. Your first draft is your only draft, because you are like Mozart whose original manuscripts didn't contain scratched out notes: FICTION.
The empty white page mocks you: NON FICTION.
You will fill it: NON FICTION.
With ease: FICTION.
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| Elspeth Futcher is a bestselling author of murder mystery games and playwright. She has been the top selling author at host-party.com since 2011. Her British games are published by Red Herring Games in the UK. Elspeth's 'writing sheep' are a continuing feature in the European writers' magazine Elias and also appear on this blog from time to time. Connect with her on Twitter at @elspethwrites or on Facebook at Elspeth Futcher, Author. |
Way back when I wrote a newsletter filled with (I thought) helpful advice for authors, someone took offense when I said that every author will receive rejection letters, because he had never been rejected. His life was FICTION.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed.
DeleteGosh, there's a familiar name! Michael, I remember your newsletter; it was awesome. I'm glad to see Picasso is still as fabulous as ever. :-)
DeleteOMG. Hits home. LOL.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me know, Dani.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, my life is a hodge-podge of fiction and non-fiction. Hmm. This gives me an idea for a book; I'll get right on it. FICTION.
ReplyDeleteLol.
DeleteGosh, my life is NON-FICTION. I'm not sure I like that because my head is all fiction. What does that mean?
ReplyDeleteAh...that's an entirely different blog post!😉
DeleteIf my life were fiction, I'd fire the writer. :)
ReplyDeleteHa!
DeleteThis is great. It would have been more fun to be inside reading this yesterday than working on cleaning up my property. But dead limbs are dead limbs. From trees, not bodies. Although... finding dead people limbs on a deserted property... FICTION
ReplyDeleteHopefully!
Delete