I love it when other people are funnier than I am, and I can share their humor. The following one-liners are borrowed - with permission - from Kristen Lamb's blog. Kristen posts regularly with writing and marketing advice, and her sharp sense of humor makes her blog so much fun to read. Do check it out after you've read all the posts here and commented on every one.
Okay, maybe just read mine.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You’ve learned that regular people are cute, and no longer get offended with this conversation.
Regular Person: What do you do?
Writer: I’m a writer.
Regular Person: No, I mean, what’s your real job?
You’ve come to understand that writers are a lot like unicorns. Everyone knows about them, they’ve simply never seen a REAL ONE.
You Might Be a Writer If…
The NSA, CIA and FBI no longer bother with you. Likely, they know you by name and now outsource to the creepy ice cream truck to just make a few passes and check to make sure you’re still at your computer.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You know what’s the best time of year to dispose of a body to confuse TOD and that seriously creeps out your friends and family.
And you know what TOD stands for and that creeps them out even more.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You’re on such a roll with the WIP that you’ve forgotten a “real” world exists (including laundry). You’re down to wearing your husband’s socks and he’s either going commando or is forced to wear that thong given to him on his 40th birthday as a joke gift. The kids? Hell, they went feral a week ago.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You take a break from writing to go to the store and, on the way, begin untangling a plot problem. You finally realize you’re in the next state and have no idea how you got there. But good news is, you now know which poison is best to kill off the character modeled after that cheerleader who bullied you through high school. It’s the poison that will make her fat and wrinkly before she dies slowly from terminal acne.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You have NO CLUE what to do in case of a flood, a fire or a natural disaster, but you are actually looking forward to the collapse of civilization because you are pretty sure you will make an AWESOME Warlord.
You Might Be a Writer If…
People believe you are a shy introvert, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell them that your imaginary friends are simply WAY more interesting.
You Might Be a Writer If…
A casket washes up in a Houston flood and while normal people are upset how tragic it is, you are wondering if there is GOLD inside. Or missing drug money.
Or if they open open it, could they unwittingly unleash the ZOMBIE PLAGUE?
Or what if it is the WRONG BODY? And it was all to cover up a mob leader faking his own DEATH?
You Might Be a Writer If…
You realize you are a horrible human being for getting so excited for that last one because NOW YOU HAVE A NEW STORY IDEA YOU SICK, SICK SOULLESS PERSON!
Here's one of my own. You might be a writer if you are so busy people-watching at the airport you miss your flight.
Now it's your turn. Channel your stand-up comic and share in the comments. Christopher, I'm counting on you.
Okay, maybe just read mine.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You’ve learned that regular people are cute, and no longer get offended with this conversation.
Regular Person: What do you do?
Writer: I’m a writer.
Regular Person: No, I mean, what’s your real job?
You’ve come to understand that writers are a lot like unicorns. Everyone knows about them, they’ve simply never seen a REAL ONE.
You Might Be a Writer If…
The NSA, CIA and FBI no longer bother with you. Likely, they know you by name and now outsource to the creepy ice cream truck to just make a few passes and check to make sure you’re still at your computer.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You know what’s the best time of year to dispose of a body to confuse TOD and that seriously creeps out your friends and family.
And you know what TOD stands for and that creeps them out even more.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You’re on such a roll with the WIP that you’ve forgotten a “real” world exists (including laundry). You’re down to wearing your husband’s socks and he’s either going commando or is forced to wear that thong given to him on his 40th birthday as a joke gift. The kids? Hell, they went feral a week ago.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You take a break from writing to go to the store and, on the way, begin untangling a plot problem. You finally realize you’re in the next state and have no idea how you got there. But good news is, you now know which poison is best to kill off the character modeled after that cheerleader who bullied you through high school. It’s the poison that will make her fat and wrinkly before she dies slowly from terminal acne.
You Might Be a Writer If…
You have NO CLUE what to do in case of a flood, a fire or a natural disaster, but you are actually looking forward to the collapse of civilization because you are pretty sure you will make an AWESOME Warlord.
You Might Be a Writer If…
People believe you are a shy introvert, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell them that your imaginary friends are simply WAY more interesting.
You Might Be a Writer If…
A casket washes up in a Houston flood and while normal people are upset how tragic it is, you are wondering if there is GOLD inside. Or missing drug money.
Or if they open open it, could they unwittingly unleash the ZOMBIE PLAGUE?
Or what if it is the WRONG BODY? And it was all to cover up a mob leader faking his own DEATH?
You Might Be a Writer If…
You realize you are a horrible human being for getting so excited for that last one because NOW YOU HAVE A NEW STORY IDEA YOU SICK, SICK SOULLESS PERSON!
Here's one of my own. You might be a writer if you are so busy people-watching at the airport you miss your flight.
Now it's your turn. Channel your stand-up comic and share in the comments. Christopher, I'm counting on you.
 |
| Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent mystery, Doubletake, was named the 2015 Best Mystery by the Texas Association of Authors. She has a number of other books published, including the critically-acclaimed Season Series that debuted with Open Season. Information about her books and her editing rates is available on her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. |
Thoroughly sums up being a writer! Especially the internet search history.
ReplyDeleteTrue, Diana. When I was doing a lot of research about drugs and how to make the drug "cheese", I worried that the Feds would come after me.LOL
DeleteYep to most of them. I never ended up in the next state, but I've passed my turn/destination because I was so engrossed in the scene playing out in my mind. (This might not be the best time to be driving, however, because my attention is on neither the road nor the traffic.) Other than that, my typical writer behavior involves lying awake in the middle of the night, constructing the rest of the story in my head. While hardly humorous (especially when the alarm goes off), this is a fact of (my) life. :-)
ReplyDeleteAwake at night with story ideas swimming around in my mind used to be an issue for me, but not so much of late. I used to get up at the wee hours to write down a short story, then have to face my kids at 6, bleary-eyed and barely moving. Now that the kids are gone and it doesn't matter, the stories don't wake me up anymore.
DeleteWow, talk about pressure, Maryann ... kinda like when someone says, 'tell that funny story about the one-legged busboy ...' and you embarrassingly say, 'well, it kinda loses it's punch when it's not spontaneous', and they say, 'go on, tell it anyway'. So you do ... and the only noise in the room afterward is drone of the air-conditioner. But I digress ... I think you might be a writer if you use a check to purchase breath mints at the 7/11. Who me?
ReplyDeleteLove them both, Christopher, the story lead-in and the one-liner. Thanks!!
DeleteYou might be a writer is somehow the entire pot of coffee disappears but you only remember pouring the first cup.
ReplyDeleteSusan Says
That's another good one, and one that I can relate to. Thanks, Susan.
Delete"You Might Be a Writer If…
ReplyDeleteYou realize you are a horrible human being for getting so excited for that last one because NOW YOU HAVE A NEW STORY IDEA YOU SICK, SICK SOULLESS PERSON!"
Guilty as charged.
That one resonated with me, too, Holly. :-)
ReplyDelete