Fun With Words

Once again fellow toilers in the wacky world of writing, it's time for a chuckle or two to relieve some of the stress of lonely days clacking away on a keyboard. I would be lost without the comics, or "funny papers" as they used to be called. We should go back to that reference, I think. Much more descriptive, wouldn't you agree?

To start us off, here is one from the strip Crankshaft:

Crankshaft is sitting in the living room and his daughter, Pam steps up to the couch next to him. He says, "I spent $75 of my own money replacing the lottery tickets I lost."

"So, did you hit the jackpot?

"Naw… we hit the jack squat."

I found this one on One Big Happy:

Ruthie and her Grandpa are taking a walk. He notices her sour expression and asks, "What's wrong Ruthie?"

In her most dramatic Ruthie-way, she says, "Everything grandpa. I tried to make friends with ninja Kitty. To rescue her, but that dang crow ate all the Kibbles and now they're both friends."

"You mean they're in cahoots?"

"No they're still under the car."

That made you smile, didn't it? Okay, here's one is from Pearls Before Swine:

Rat and Pig and Goat are sitting at a table.  Goat is reading the paper, and he says, "I want to live in the Netherlands. Their murder rate is so low."

Pig asks, "Why is that?"

In his inimitable way, Rat says, "Bbecause it's hard to sneak up on people when you're wearing wooden shoes."

Pig nods and says, "That's so true."

Not wanting to believe what he is hearing, Goat closes his eyes and says, "No it's not."

Rat says, "Why do you think they never win the hundred meter dash?"

Granted, that is more of a groaner than laugh out loud. How about this one from Pluggers:

Plugger is sitting at a desk, writing, and he turns to his wife to ask, "Do you spell it with an E or and I?"

She says,  "It's a 'Y'". 

This is called Plugger Spellcheck

That was probably another groaner. Maybe this one from Pickles will bring a chuckle:

Nelson comes up to Opal who is busy at the kitchen counter and says, "Gramma, can I get the ladder and climb up on the roof? Grandpa said he was down with it, but I thought I should ask you too. Are you down with it?"

She turns and says, "Yes I'm a very, very down with it!!"

Nelson says, "Okay, thanks," and walks away.

Grandma says, "Wait! 'Down with it' means I totally forbid it, right?"

Posted by Maryann Miller - novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her most recent book releases are Doubletake and Boxes For Beds, both mysteries that are available for Kindle and in paper.  Stalking Season is the second book in the Seasons Mystery Series, also now available as an e-book, along with Open Season, the first book in the series. To check her editing rates visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. She also likes to read the funny papers.