The first one is from Pickles:
Earl is busy plunking away on an old typewriter when Opal comes in and asks "What on earth made you decide to write a memoir, Earl?"
"I just thought it would be a shame not to put down on paper all the wisdom that I've acquired over my long lifetime."
"So how much longer do you think it'll take you to put all that wisdom down on paper?"
Earl pulls a page out of the typewriter with a flourish. "All done!"
"Wow, almost a whole page."
What Opal doesn't understand is that sometimes a whole page is a major accomplishment, isn't it?
This other one is from Pearls Before Swine:
Goat and Pig are having coffee and Goat asks, "What are you doing, Pig?"
"Reading this text from my neighbor Bob. He's the one Rat's always fighting with."
'"What did he say?"
"That he wants to be friends."
"Oh, yeah? What's he propose?"
"He's asking if we think we could handle getting some coffee together."
"What a nice gesture. You should tell him you'll treat him."
"Oh, that would be so special. I'll do it."
Then Pig sends a text message to Bob: "I'll… treat you."
All of a sudden Pig says, "Oops."
Goat asks, "What happened?"
The autocorrect message reads: I'll threaten you.
Goat says, "That's a slightly different message."
"Oh, look. He has a special message back."
So, as Heidi wrote here last week, be careful of word usage.
Maryann Miller is a novelist, editor and sometimes actress. Her latest release is Stalking Season, the second book in the Seasons Series. The first book, Open Season, is available as an e-book for all devices. To check out her editing rates visit her website. When not working, Maryann likes to take her dog for a walk and work outside on her little ranch in East Texas. Sometimes she plays on stage, but she does avoid computer games as much as possible.