Wednesday, March 14, 2012

10 Steps to Writing (or not...)

I refuse to say if this post is drawn from life. 

You woke up with that feeling...today you will write and you will write well.

Step #1: Get out of bed as the echo of the trumpet call still rings in your ears.

Step #2: Remember legos - that wonderful, educational toy that your children played with when they were small? Remember how you were sure you cleaned them all out?

Step #3: Now relive the agony of stepping on one of those little f##kers in your bare feet.

Step #4: Remember now you're in one of the still-slumbering children's bedrooms. You can't scream...or give loud voice to that poetic phrase that leapt to mind.

Limp downstairs.

The coffee carafe is empty.

Step #1: This is fine. You can rise above this. Your ancestors have survived storms, starvation, etc. You can certainly get the coffee out and refill the canister.

Step #2: There is no coffee. None.

Step #3: Try to ignore the panic that threatens to engulf you. Breathe.

Step #4: Remember you hid a jar of instant coffee for emergencies such as this.

Step #5: Grab the jar and try not to notice that you are hunched over it protectively whilst hissing "My preciousssss..."

Carry the steaming mug of magical elixir to where you will write.

Carefully place the mug down on a flat surface.

You know what's going to happen...don't you?

Step #1: To hell with those trumpets. Go back to bed and try again later.

Stupid trumpets.


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Elspeth Antonelli is an author and playwright. Her twelve murder mystery games and two plays are available through host-party.comShe has also contributed articles to the European writers' magazine Elias. Her blog, It's A Mystery, explores the writing process with a touch of humor. She is on Twitter as @elspethwrites.

19 comments :

  1. Ha ha! I love it! Yes Lego is ridiculously painful to step on, and I think you summed up my relationship with coffee perfectly.

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  2. Although I'm past the Lego stage...the rest of it rings SO true!

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  3. Too Funny!!! Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. Been there, done that. The little army men are agony to step on as well, not to mention the farm animals.

    My coffee situation this morning was so dire that I had to stop and buy a cup AFTER dropping off the kids at school and my car for an oil change.

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  5. Sure sounded like a real life experience to me ... I would've switched to alcohol at that point.

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  6. Angeline; Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed my post!

    Liza; I'm past it too, but the memory lingers on.

    E. Arroyo; I understand.

    Holly Michael; You're welcome! Thank YOU for letting me know you enjoyed it.

    Sharon; You deserved that coffee and...cookies for lunch!

    Christopher; Some days it seems the logical choice.

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  7. Funny! But that's where we differ. Once I'm up, I'm up. It's too hard to get out of bed in the first place.

    Morgan Mandel
    http://facebook.com/morgan.mandel

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  8. So, what happened to the coffee?

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  9. Co; I refuse to talk about it - it's too painful.

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  10. You write real life stories. My favorite line is: "My preciousssss..."

    Been there, hissed that.

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  11. Oh, yes! I even hid a few Intensely Bold Highly Caffeinated Keurig cups in the back of the pantry, just in case.

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  12. What fun, Elspeth. You had me pegged right up to the coffee. Lately, my cat has started trying to bury my coffee. Which is most distracting to the serious writer. Not to mention what it makes me wonder about my coffee.

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  13. ROFLOL! Wonderful--just what I needed to brighten my day. Thanks.

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  14. Helen; I suspect we've all hissed it from time to time.

    Pat; I *knew* you were a genius!

    Maryann; Your cats try to bury your coffee? Where? Outside? In the sofa? How are they getting into it? Or...are they Cats With Thumbs?

    Heidi; Always glad to brighten someone's day.

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  15. Love this. In my case, I don't turn on a light and realize too late the slimy stuff between my toes is cat gack...sigh. No going back to bed, because you're definitely wide awake after a shower. (Hugs)Indigo

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The Blood-Red Pencil is a blog focusing on editing and writing advice. Some of our contributors are editors, some are authors, and some are writing sheep. Yes, sheep.

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